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 What? Primmy's an author!? Read the first chapter of my book and tell me what you think!

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Posts : 71
Join date : 2013-06-17
Age : 19
Location : Wherever the party is!!!

Pirate Name: Primrose
Pirate Level: 37
Guild: Darbodaen Fury

What?  Primmy's an author!?  Read the first chapter of my book and tell me what you think! Empty
PostWhat? Primmy's an author!? Read the first chapter of my book and tell me what you think!

I write stories that I call "my books," but I really don't think they're all that great. I decided to post the first chapter and see what you guys think. The beginning is a little depressing, by the way. The book is called Captured, and now I'm working on the second one called Encased. I hope you guys like the first chapter! They do say a "bad word" in the first chapter, but it's not a swear word. I wanted to just let you guys know. Very Happy Let me know what you think, good or bad thoughts, I'd really appreciate it!

Chapter One

The last thing that I had from my old life was a dead phone and a pocket knife.
I walked out of the small apartment which I had called my home for years. I wanted to cry but tears wouldn’t come. I didn’t know what would happen next.
He was dead. Jonah was gone. The last person that cared about me: gone. One second we were talking, our uncle and Jonah were fighting. Then there was a distinct bang and he crumpled to the floor.
I can still hear his agonized scream...
Jonah was my brother. Ever since we were little I remember him right next to me, protecting me from the dangers of the world. Now I felt like a lost puppy, alone, cold, abandoned.
My uncle was now the last family I had. He never cared about Jonah and me. Alcohol, guns, and other violent artillery were his passion.
I never knew who my parents were. They were never there. My brother and I were left to fend for ourselves, in poverty and starving. We had to get jobs like delivering the newspapers and we worked in the back of a few fast-food restaurants. We found my uncle and everything got better…somehow.
Sometimes I wish I had never been born.
It would have been easier for us all.
My uncle had always told me that my parents were bitter people, and that my dad, his brother, was violent and should have never had children. He said that my mother was a foreigner and only got pregnant from my father so that she could get alimony checks every month to pay for herself and not for us.
Jonah and I were supposedly left by our mother while she ran off with a richer guy and still collected money from our father to this day. When I saw pictures of my parents together, with either me or Jonah in my mother’s stomach, the way they smiled at each other, the way their eyes were lit up, the way they looked when they kissed, I could tell my uncle was lying to me.
I never believed anything my uncle told me.
I ran through the rain and the bitter wind to nothing. I ran until my legs collapsed underneath me. I laid there on the sidewalk, unaccompanied, destitute, and brotherless.
I went door-to-door to see if people would let me stay at their house for a night. Some did not answer their door after they peered at me through the window. Some answered their door but closed it after I asked if I could stay there. One person said they would let me stay, but then his wife came and chased me away.
Walking around, drenched in rain, I thought about Jonah and all he was. He was the best man that a person could possibly be related to. He protected me from everybody, and I only had a few boyfriends in secret. Jonah would make people go away by scaring them. He played sports, and I would sit in the stands quietly and cheer for him. He always helped me with my homework and comforted me when I was sad.
I could feel Jonah’s sheltered, deep voice echoing through my head like it was a tall, empty cavern. Move on, his voice advised for me to move forward, like I was supposed to be like a car or a train, going forward, not turning back. Something big is about to happen to you. You just don’t know it yet. Keep going, Lish.
When I heard his voice, I sat up and looked around. There wasn’t a living soul for what looked like miles. I sat on the sidewalk hugging my knees. I couldn’t bear hearing his voice. I just couldn’t…
After I was drenched in the cold rain, I got up and kept running. The weakness I felt from the ache of my muscles in my legs and the chills down my back propelled me forward.
Follow your instinct, his voice echoed through my brain. Do what you think is right. I trust you to make the right decision.
Right decision? What right decision?
Then it hit me. Literally, hit me.
Not it, he.
I was pinned to the wall of the nearest building. The force that made me scream was like a meteor, one glimpse then it was gone.
I looked and saw it. Then it was gone. Just disappeared…
It was a boy. A young boy. He looked older than I did. He had slick black hair and a soft expression. Then he was gone, too.
I wanted him to come back.
I looked for a sign of life. I didn’t see anything. I got up and kept running. I ran even though my legs cried for me not to. I saw the boy again. Just a glimpse, but I remembered his face. His dazzling, tormenting face.
I hid inside an old, run-down motel. I forget what the name was, but it was the first place Jonah and I stayed at before we found our uncle. I never forgot what the inside looked like when we went there. Comfortable rooms and the attendants were probably nice only out of pity for us.
I walked to one of the rooms that was towards the front. The room looked demolished from the time I had last been in here. The sheets were torn and spread across the room. Water dripped through the ceiling in the corner, and it showed me how the water damage on the walls had formed. I sit on the bed for a moment, and dust flew up and coated me. I cough loudly, and then cover my mouth as I let out the rest of my small coughs.
I get down on the floor and look out the window. I saw the boy again. This time I could embrace all that he was. He looked almost eighteen, with the same features as before. He frightened me. He terrified me.
He daunted me.
How could something so human look so gorgeous?
Who said he was human?
Then the other boy came into view. He stood at six foot four with milk chocolate hair and an expression that told people to stay away. Dark circles were around his gorgeous blue-green eyes. He was more intriguing than the dark-haired boy. I wanted to look at him. I couldn’t tear my eyes away. I didn’t blink so that I wouldn’t miss a moment of the way he moved, the way he talked, the way he looked.
I looked at them through a broken window. The boy with the black hair pin-pointed my location and told the brown-haired one where I was in the building.
I ducked my head down just enough so I could see but I wasn’t noticeable to them. What did they want? What would they do?
What would Jonah want me to do?
The dark-haired boy disappeared before my eyes, and the brown-haired one started walking over towards me. I didn’t know what was happening. Jonah would know what to have done at a time like this.
I slowly crawled away from the window and tried to look for a place to hide. The carpet around me was wet from the rain dripping from my clothes and hair and from the roof. I scrambled to get underneath the bed so they would not see me, but then I felt an unseen and wet hand clamp over my mouth and another pin my arms behind me. I tried to scream, but it sounded muffled. The person hit my head on the side of the bedframe.
Then the person appeared behind me. He whispered in my ear in a serious voice, “Cooperate or die, girl.”
Those words made my eyes go wide. I ignore the warning and I bit down on the hand that was clamped over my mouth. I heard a groan and I could imagine the person wincing. I bite down harder on the hand and I taste fresh blood. I don’t stop until the person lets his hand off of my mouth.
Then the brown-haired boy came through the door. He had muscled arms and they both wore the same clothes, a gray t-shirt, beaten jeans, and some brand of sneakers.
“Good job, Rush,” the brown-haired one says.
“She bit my hand.” I turn around and see the dark-haired boy, Rush, wincing and looking at his hand and back at the brown-haired boy.
“Just tie her hands and allow her to talk, will you Rush?” ask the other boy.
“Fine,” Rush says. He reached into his pocket and got out rope to tie my hands together. Once the scratchy material touched my skin, it chafed against my wrists. He tried to tie it with one hand, but it did not work for him through my struggling and it being almost impossible to tie a rope with one hand.
The other boy just leaned in the doorway, watching his friend tying my wrists with difficulty. After Rush was done tying, the boy in the doorway asks, “What’s your name?”
“Why do you care?” I ask him back, glaring at him. I just realized that the rain made his brown hair look like it was black. His hair was still perfect even though it was completely wet.
“I’ll tell you my name if you tell me yours,” he offers.
“No thanks.”
“Rush,” says the boy in the doorway. “Looks like we’ve got ourselves a fighter. Watch out, she might be feisty.”
“Shut up,” I say in disgust.
“You don’t want to get on my bad side; I’m going to be your mentor here in a little bit, girl.”
“Excuse me?” I ask, sickened by that thought of this rude person teaching me whatever he knows for whatever reason.
“You’ll figure it out in a little bit. Just go with the program and you’ll be alive and well.” He waved his hand like it was a little matter. He acted as if my existence and well-being was a small and unimportant thing in the world. It was like I was not important to anybody.
The thing was: I wasn’t important to anybody.
I was important to Jonah.
At least, when he was alive.
“I feel like somebody’s about to jump out and say, ‘you’ve just been punk’d!’” I say honestly.
“No, they only play those pranks on famous people. But that’s a creative imagination you’ve got. That might help you. Who knows?” he says with a small and somewhat evil laugh.
“What do you mean you’re going to be my mentor?” I ask, wanting information. I stressed the word mentor because I could not believe he had said that he would be a mentor to me. He wouldn’t play a role in my life no matter how hard he would try.
“Oh, you know, training you for the Ranking,” he answered, bluffing.
“What Ranking? And who the hell are you?” I ask quickly.
“My name is Derek. And I’ll have the Boss explain when we get to the Base. Let’s go.”
“I’m not going anywhere with you maniacs, I’d rather live in hell,” I say defiantly.
“Too bad, you’re coming with us anyway,” he says with a wry smile and motioning Rush to bring me to wherever we were going. When they led me out of the hotel, Derek turned around and leaned in close to my face. He says, “You know, maybe this place will be a hell to you. If it isn’t, I can make it that way.”
Rush nudged me forward, and I just started walking. I thought to myself, wherever I am going with these people has got to be better than being stuck in a run-down motel and starving half to death.
They led me down an alleyway that was covered with a small layer of dirt and grime. At the end, there was a metal trapdoor. Derek opened it after pulling at it with his strong arms. “Go ahead, Rush,” he gestures for him to jump in.
Rush looked nervous, but jumped in after giving a glance back at me. His face read either, help me! or it read, good luck.
After he gathered his courage, he jumped in and I heard him hit something hard a few seconds later.
Derek turned to me, pushed me against the brick wall with his rough hands so his face was inches from mine, and he says through gritted teeth, “What’s your name?”
“I’m not telling you,” I say looking up at the clouded sky so he couldn’t see that I was uncomfortable with this situation.
“You better tell me, I’m going to figure it out either now or when you have to confront the Boss,” he says, urging me to tell him now.
“I’m not telling anybody. I’m guessing that the Boss is the person in charge of you.”
“Yeah. I’m just warning you; don’t get on his bad side, girl. That can affect you for the rest of your life. Just go ahead, jump.” He releases me from the wall and he lets me get away from him. That situation was not the most contented one I’ve ever been in.
I look down the trap door and I see Rush standing there in a bright room. He gestured for me to come down. I release my feet from the ground in the alleyway and they hit metal. Rush leads me away toward a wall and Derek jumps in after us.
Rush and Derek stand on the other side of the small, illuminated room while I stand across from them.
“We’re supposed to confiscate anything that may be used as a weapon. Please hand it over,” Rush says, holding out his hand.
“Well, I may or may not have objects that can be used as a weapon, and even if I did, I wouldn’t tell you,” I explain as I instinctively reach to check that the pocket knife my brother owned was still securely hidden in my back pocket.
“Do you have a cell phone? Or any electrical device?”
“I have one but its dead.”
“May I have it?”
I reach into my front pocket with my hands still tied and get my old, dead phone. Rush comes over and takes it from me without another word. He still didn’t take the knife from me. I know he saw it in my pocket, and so did Derek. However, neither of them confiscated it, so I was pleased with that cordial act.
Derek pressed a button and the room began to move. It felt like we were flying upward. I leaned back against the wall and looked up, unsure what was happening.
“We’re in an elevator, genius,” Derek says to me. I glare at him and he just smiles like he’s innocent. He couldn’t be innocent if his life depended on it.
The elevator slammed on its breaks and rushed to the right. My head bashed into the wall, causing a few seconds of dizziness bouncing around inside my skull.
“Don’t hurt yourself there, girl,” Derek says, laughing at me. Rush didn’t think it was very funny, his face staying straight, but with a look of sympathy towards me.
After minutes of silence and standing, the doors of the elevator open to a room with dimmer lights than I had seen here before. Rush took my arm and led me into the room. Derek followed behind us, looking proud of himself.
“Boss, we’ve got ours,” Derek announced.
After my eyes adjusted I saw the furniture in the room. There was a desk coated with clutter and brown paint that was chipped in some places, shelves with polished knick-knacks and books that I had never read, and there was a tall black chair behind the desk. On the desk, there was a nameplate that read: Uriah, so I assumed the person that sat at that desk was named Uriah. The chair swiveled around revealing a young man. He had light, golden hair that went down below his ears. He had a brown goatee. He was attractive, but he looked about twenty-three or so.
“Excellent,” he say in a tenor voice. “Thank you. Your work is much appreciated.” He reminded me of a scary dude I had seen in a very strange movie one time. I couldn’t remember the name of the movie or the character, but I knew that he was familiar.
Rush and Derek looked pleased with themselves. I rolled my eyes at them. They should have no reason to be happy.
“Welcome to the Abnormals Base,” Uriah, or also known as the Boss, greeted. I only knew his name was Uriah because it was on a name plate that was glued to his desk with super glue that stuck out around the edges of the name plate. “I only have a few questions for you, and then Derek and Rush shall take you to your compartment where you can rest”—Uriah looks me up and down—“And preferably clean up.”
“Thank you but I don’t plan on staying,” I respond.
“I’m sorry to spoil your ideas, but you will be staying here whether you like it or not.”
“Why am I here anyway?” I ask suspiciously.
“I’ll answer your question if you answer mine, what’s your name, dearest?” he asks casually and calmly.
“If I tell you my name will you please just answer my questions?” I fight back, resisting.
“Certainly, just tell me your name, and then I will explain everything.”
“I’m Alisha,” I answered. I needed a different name. Alisha didn’t sound right anymore. I thought about what people called me as nicknames. “But call me Lish. That was my brother’s name for me.”
“Alright, Lish, Abnormals are a special kind of person”—he stood up from behind his desk and started pacing behind it, thinking, but then he sat on the front of his desk, talking directly to me—“They possess powers, and we help people that need it. Abnormals have fought in almost every war in history. They choose their own side, of course. No unfair advantages. Each person has a different power. Some are more minor than others but we treat each other as equals. For instance, Derek’s power is mind-reading, and Rush’s power is invisibility. We train people to be the greatest. And Derek and Rush shall be your mentors.
“Even though we sound so perfect, we aren’t. We, as well as mortals, have our share of enemies. There are people called Overtakers, which are dark, evil, condemned people that want to know more about us, and how we function and live. We have had a small amount of break-ins. The thing about these Overtakers is, if we don’t cooperate with them, they execute you.”
My eyes widened at the last line of his words. If you don’t cooperate, they will execute you. I didn’t know that this thing they’re talking about might get me killed.
“The thing is, Lish, you are an Abnormal like us. That’s why you’re here. Don’t think of this as a prison, but as a place for you to train and live. You’ll fit in here. Good luck to you. If you have any questions, ask your mentors. Now I must bid you good-bye,” Uriah says, sitting in his chair, swiveling it around so we couldn’t see him anymore. He looked childish as he spun around in his chair, but he was trying to look mature. I looked at my mentors and felt instant fright. I did not plan on trying to make friends here any time soon.
Rush took my arm roughly and led me away. I had many more questions but I didn’t want to ask them. Uriah was the person that I would ask all of my questions to.
Derek and Rush kept chatting through the hallway while I muted them out. I just paid attention to the floor and what was happening. First I had walked out, and then I was being told that I wasn’t human. I hope that I can just avoid death and get out of here.
Good luck, Lish, say Jonah’s voice in my head. I won’t be able to communicate for a while. Follow your instinct. Figure out who you can trust. If it’s not right, don’t do it.
What are you talking about, Jonah? What do you mean? Answer my questions… please… I say in my head, trying to talk with my brother.
You’ll figure it out when you know it. Just follow what I have said. Some people here you won’t be able to trust. Find out who you can and cannot trust. I’m sorry for leaving you, he responded in my head. I felt his presence fading as the air around me turned cold.
Jonah, don’t apologize. It wasn’t your fault. It was our uncle’s fault. I’m sorry I couldn’t defend you. Just stay safe, please. One second you were there and then… then you… I say, trailing off. I couldn’t bear to admit to myself that he was really, truly gone. He was still there watching over me. I know he was still protecting me even though he couldn’t be here tangibly.
Goodbye for now, Lish. Just follow what I have told you. I will be there when you need me. I promise. He says, trying to say goodbye.
Thanks for the advice even though it doesn’t make sense to me, Jonah, I say inside my head.
He didn’t respond afterwards.
I wanted him to respond.
Please respond.
Rush brought me back to reality. He says, “Go down that hallway,” and pointed to a hallway on my left. I did as I was told and turned down the hallway. It led to a large, ovular room that had twelve different doors branching out from it.
“We’re all in compartment one, your room is compartment 1A. I’ll be in 1B and Derek is in compartment 1C if you need anything. We set some clothes out for you on your bed,” Rush says, trying to be nice to me even though I was bitter to them.
“Thank you,” I say, actually meaning it. Rush was much more pleasant than Derek was. I hope that I can survive this.
Rush untied my hands and I felt air reach the cuts on my wrists. I made a sigh of relief as the ropes gave way to Rush’s knife. “Thanks,” I say again.
“No problem, I just hope the cuts don’t get infected,” he says with a friendly but awkward smile.
I walked down the hallway and found compartment 1A. I looked back into the hallway and both compartment 1B’s and 1C’s doors shut quickly. I turned the knob and walked in. What I saw surprised me.
Instead of being a small area, it was huge. It looked like about ten people could live in here instead of one. The floor was white granite, with spots of shine added to the tiles. The walls were white, but they weren’t bright like the other walls I had seen in the Base. There were many doors leading to other rooms. The room I stood in had a bed, and like Rush had say, there were clothes laid out on it. There was a white shirt and gray yoga pants, my sleep clothes.
I eventually found a bathroom and took a shower. From the long day that I had the hot shower was completely and utterly nourishing. The jets were strong yet gentle, like it knew I had had a rough day.
The clothes that they laid out for me were large, so I had to pull the strings on the waist of the sweatpants so they were about two feet long.
I explored more of my compartment and I thought it was like living in a hotel more than a prison. It wasn’t technically a prison, but that’s what I thought of it.
In 1A, there was a bedroom, bathroom, an actual living room, and an almost fully functional kitchen. Maybe this place wasn’t so bad after all.
I find the light switch and I flicked each of the many switches, seeing what would happen. There was a dial, and it changed the color of the light that was emitted from the walls and floor. It could be almost all of the colors. The other switches simply turned on and off the lights, but I adjusted the lights so they only showed in the bedroom and the living room. I left the other rooms in the dark.
At my uncle’s house, I had to share a room with Jonah, but now I have my own room. All of this stuff was mine. I had never had things to call my own except for my brother.
I curled up under the covers of the bed and fell into horrifying, nightmare-filled sleep.
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